Chapter 13

The pain continued, and I was finding it difficult to breathe properly without being in excruciating agony. I was in tears, and asked Wes if he would take me to A&E as I couldn’t stand it any longer. I felt bad rocking up in the Emergency Department, as I didn’t come under the bracket of an ‘accident’ or an ‘emergency’, but I didn’t know what else to do. We waited patiently to be seen. Finally, the doctor called us through. She was very polite, listened, and overall also was extremely caring. She sent me for an x-ray of my back and chest, took some bloods, and did a tracing of my heart.

We had another long wait for the results. Chaz joined us at the hospital. One of our old colleagues (H) was working, so we all got big ‘H hugs’! They were much needed, and I believe that even Wes enjoyed them. Staff were so busy, but they continued to smile throughout the pressures of a hectic department. The doctor called me back through. My ‘D-dimer’ was raised, which can be indicative of a blood clot, so they wanted to send me for a CTPA examination. That test would show if I had a blood clot, as they did not want to give me Tinzaparin (a blood thinner) in case the back pain was due to malignancy. Once they had ruled out the blood clot, they referred me to the orthopaedic surgeons, who examined me thoroughly, including a feel of my back passage (Oh, the joys!!!). They wanted me to stay overnight to have an MRI the following day, but apparently I would only have a trolley for the night…. Being in so much pain, I couldn’t deal with that scenario – I needed comfort – so they said they would bring me back to the clinic for an MRI. I returned home and took the maximum amount of the pain relief that I had, and tried to settle (after ringing work to say I wouldn’t make it in). I sent an email to the A&E consultant about the exceptional care I’d received from the doctor.

Wes asked work if he could attend the appointment with me, and eventually this was agreed. We went to the appointment. They completed the same examinations that they had done the previous night, and eventually told me I would get an appointment for an MRI within 3 weeks, and then would be seen in clinic in 6 weeks…. I just felt completely despondent, but it was time to ‘suck it up’ and find ways of dealing with the pain instead, with no answers about the cause for a while.

The following day I had a call from the acute oncology team to see if there was anything they could do to help me. There didn’t seem to be, as I had a CT booked and was taking the pain relief as I was meant to. I was gutted, as I had to miss Alina’s Leaving Drinks – I was in way too much pain to make it out. The girls who went sent me some lovely messages, making me smile through the pain, and Stacey came to see me.

I had a call from the hospital asking if I could go on Saturday morning for my MRI, as they had a cancellation – this was brilliant news.

Wes and his little man dropped me off for the MRI and went to get some lunch. The girls in the MRI suite were really kind and helpful; I knew a couple of them, so had a hug and quick catch up. It was painful having the MRI due to the position I had to be in. After this, Wes, little one and myself headed off to Ben and Memsy’s for a sleepover. We did have a very chilled weekend, but I was very breathless with any exertion at all. This worried me, as obviously I knew I had a nodule on my lung and so was concerned that this was causing these symptoms. My emotions were all over the place, not knowing what was happening inside my body!!

I was due to go wedding shopping. I was exhausted from the pain, but I wasn’t letting this bastard beat me. Wes and little man dropped me at the train station to meet mum, and we were due to meet Jeanette on the train (we didn’t actually see her until we got to Birmingham). The train was crazily busy, and we were packed in like sardines, with some very vocal moans about the “British transport system.” I wanted to scream at these people to stop moaning and just be thankful they were alive, and to see the funny side of how cosy and packed in we all were (the drugs obviously helped me…). We finally met up with Jeanette at Birmingham station, and went for a coffee to ‘catch up’ first. We then went from shop to shop trying on dress after dress. They even persuaded me to try on a proper wedding dress; I looked like a meringue and a very expensive one at that! I was all for giving up for today – the pain was back again, and I was breathless. We set off for lunch, and on our way I spotted a shop that I liked the look of. I said we would try there on the way back. So, after lunch, laughter and prosecco, we returned to the shop and there it was – the perfect outfit! I felt really good. It was an amazing feeling; I was actually done and sorted (I hate clothes shopping…!)

Chaz collected me from the station. I was in terrible pain. I got home, took some analgesia, and had a lie down. Wes’ mum, Gail, rang me to see how I was. I struggled to hide the pain; even on the phone I was breathless and fed up. I was in bed by 8pm that evening, and slept through. I had also carried on with my CBD paste and this was definitely helping with my pain.

I woke the next morning and made myself put on my ‘positive mind’. I got ready for work, passing Wes like a shit in the night (oops, typo error, I meant ‘ship’!!). We had a new Head of Health Care, who was extremely supportive and had bought me some lovely flowers and a card, and also reiterated that if there was anything Wes or I needed, we should just ask.

The day went quickly thankfully, as I had to starve for a procedure the next day, and I actually did not become hungry!!

The following day I went for a capsule endoscopy. This procedure involves swallowing a capsule with lights and a mini camera, and then being attached to a box for the day whilst your small bowel is filmed on the inside. it took a while for the camera to enter my small bowel. Once this was achieved, I had my blood taken by the endoscopy HCA. He was very gentle, kind and professional. I was then allowed to leave the hospital.

I went to visit friends, Sue and Andy, and ‘clock watched’ till I was able to have a drink and food. We had a lovely afternoon. I headed home to meet Mum so she could take me for my CT and to return the capsule endoscopy equipment (Wes needed the car as his was in the garage for another expensive visit!). We returned the equipment to the hospital and then went for a pub tea with Alina before returning back for the CT.

At work the following day I received a phone call to say my tumour markers had raised again, so they were taking my results to MDT early and bringing my appointment forward. I didn’t really know what to do, and there was no-one at work I wanted to talk to, so I kept myself together and finished the day. I really didn’t want to tell Wes or Chaz before their night shift, but I felt it was unfair not to tell him or Chaz.

We carried on having fun and meeting friends. We went for a lovely lunch with Lynn, Alina, Sara, Wes and Kal. We left the boys having a few more beers and doing some ‘man to man’ talk.

We had a busy week, and ‘little man’ had chicken pox (bless him!).

Nearer the time for the appointment, I spoke with the boss and asked if it was okay for Wes and I to go to it together. This was not a problem. Mum was unable to come as she had a chest infection, and I also wanted her to be well for my hen party!

I slept awfully the night beforehand, and Wes did too. I did not have the best of feelings about this appointment.